Tag: humor

Corona virus: Let me introduce myself

CDC: Self quarantine if you feel sick & wash your hands with soap and water to help stop the spread of the Corona virus.

Infected people: I think it’s a good time to travel.

And socialize

Cases of the Corona virus are popping up in across the globe.
CDC:

Me: Why is there a toilet paper shortage?

Unaffected people: This virus sounds bad. We should stock on as much hand sanitizer, bottled water, and toilet paper like two years worth per person in the household.

CDC:🤨

My fellow Introverts: Did government..did they just cancel going outside and large social gathering?!?!

Future post-apocalyptic/dystopian people: After the plague of 2020 the surviving remnant of mankind decided to base their new society on the ways introversion.

Maybe it’s me

Perhaps I don’t speak the only language I know so good

So today I didn’t want to deal with public transportation and I wanted a few extra winks of sleep, so send in the Uber.

*Deep breath* so I order my first Uber, I do pool cause you know the environment and I’m being cheap fiscally responsible. The driver is about 9 minutes away and he’s either picking up or dropping someone off. About 5 minutes of waiting I check to see how close the Uber is and he’s still at his first stop, wtf. But I’m like idc as long as I make it to work on time. So the map shows he’s moving and is like 7 minutes away now. I’m ok I’ll get to work right at beginning of my shift ( I work a graveyard shift) then all of a sudden driver cancels my ride and I’m like…

So I order another Uber, luckily this one is there in 3 minutes. I say hello sit down and proceed to zone out *Takes another deep breath* the driver picks up two other passenger a loud talking woman on her phone and then a loud talking man on his phone. So you know this is the best possible scenario for someone who likes quiet and has a headache.

So in what seems like the longest car ride (maybe cause I was suffering from hearing the inane conversations), they finally get dropped of at their respective locations and now it’s my turn.

Everything is going smoothly it’s quiet and he’s not trying to hold a conversation the near perfect cab ride. Now for the reason I question my sanity, as we approach my job I say you can drop me off in front of this van. He asks me to repeat and as I say what I said before I point to the van. He pulls up behind it. Then asks me is right here fine I say yes then get out the car.

So it’s interactions like this where I question my speaking abilities and whether or not I’m actually talking in English. And since it’s just me and the driver in the car about this is myself. Maybe I thought one thing and said another but you heard your sleep riddled voice and thought man I sound like a crotchety old man. The only other option that I can see is that maybe I was speaking a different language. A language so far removed from English that he had to interpret my pointing because that was the only thing that he understood.

Maybe I’m just to sane for this insane world or too crazy for it cause I can’t make sense of it most the time.

It’s rude to turn a gift away…

So I don’t announce when I’m going to be trying out a healthier eating life cause since people want you to fail, and apparently so does Universe. So what happens when I get to work and I’m like I’m cutting down sugar and whatnots a box of cookies is literally handed to me.

My fav
My favorite of course, why does the Universe make this more difficult😕

And I guess to say good for you for making an effort to be healthier fate included a bottle of water from a brand I don’t care for 😐

Perfect taste is you like the taste of paper
Water shouldn’t have a taste

Moral of the story is the Universe is going to sabotage your efforts, it has designs for you so don’t ruin the master plan…or it’s a test of your resolve. Go with the path that’s the easiest.